Living in one of the rundown districts in New Jersey, my classmates and I were given the opportunity to apply to public academies and technical schools that were above the standards of the high schools in our area. That taste of freedom of getting to choose your future, choosing a major and starting with a clean slate, starting a new chapter in a new environment with people who don't know your name was enticing. My future was bright.
As I walked into the stark white halls of the brand new school building I knew that I wasn't going to taste any of that freedom. The universe wanted me to be unhappy, take all my aspirations and dreams from me and throw them away. I looked all the new classmates I met straight in the eyes with the deepest poison knowing that I would be taken away from this paradise and thrown into the halls of a school in a small farmer town in New York state. My new sense of adulthood was taken away from me.
I made it my goal to show distaste to everything and everyone in my own personal hell. I sat at lunch brooding over the stupidity of my new acquired friends and refused to take any sympathy from my parents. I glared at my room's ceiling blasting heavy metal music, the only thing able to feed my hatred. There was no mercy spared for even a blade of grass in the new town I was stuck in.
After living in New Paltz for almost three years I can now fully appreciate smiling at the people in my life. After being left with just my raw being, my friends, dreams, and goals left in the abyss of New Jersey, it became clear the person I was and how not content I was with myself. Days and nights spent recollecting my memories and befriending the lyrics coming from my ear buds became my source for renewal. I took advantage of the clean slate I was presented with.
Getting the ability to start my life over,write a different story for myself, create a new person gave my all the necessities to become an adult. Now on my eighteenth birthday I can truly call myself an adult, not because I can buy cigarettes or lottery tickets but because I am truly proud of the person I chose to be.
I like how you talk about being comfortable in your new(ish) environment. I also like how you describe your change in attitude after the move. I find that your view of the world changes based on where you are. Happy Birthday by the way!
ReplyDeleteI completely know the feeling of being taken away from a school you really wanted to go to, actually thats what I wrote about in my final blog too. I think it takes time to realize that sometimes what we thought was the worst thing that ever happened was maybe actually good for us. Thats what growing up is taking what you have and making the best of it.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful. (Also happy birthday) I just wanted to say that I had no idea this was how you felt when you first moved here, I just knew that you seemed like a really cool person.
ReplyDeletehappy (day late) birthday! I like how you talk about how you hated this. In all that you still managed to be funny. this was a great post because it shows that you changed. you have a story but its developed and great and honest.
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